I believe that zip loc bags are an invention on a magnitude of importance right up there with the discovery of penicillin and the invention of color TV and don’t think I can live in a world without them. So it has been with great excitement that I welcome the proliferation of commercial packages that come with a zipping top, like the little plastic bags some delis put your lunch meat in, or the many bags of vegetables that now proudly proclaim “Resealable Bag.”

One member of this family, though, can’t be bothered with either opening a zip loc top according to directions, or zipping a top that has already been opened according to directions (I’m a big fan of well-written directions, although a reasonable person might assume that instructions on how to cut the top off a plastic bag while at the same time preserving the zipping function would be superfluous to the requirements at hand).

I buy this lettuce at Costco because it’s whole leaves removed (not cut) from the head. There’s a nice big bag full of nice green leaves that I have access to any time the mood strikes, without having to exert the effort required to actually separate the leaves from each other. Because the leaves aren’t chopped into little pieces, like most bagged lettuce, you’re not left with rigid ribs with a tiny bit of leaf on either side and it lasts longer in the refrigerator. And, because it’s not in head form, I don’t get halfway through making a sandwich only to discover that there are no big leaves left because someone makes salad by ripping off the top of the head, leaving a stump of hard, bitter ends. Not that I complain out loud about that, because it’s most often my salad that he’s decapitating the lettuce for. But this time I look in the refrigerator and discover that Captain OCD hasn’t defiled the bag of lettuce yet,

Silly me. Perhaps he thought I wouldn’t notice if he entered from the bottom end:

lettuce bag